


No, I Regret Nothing

by run_and_remember_me



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x14, 11x14 "The Vessel", Angst, Dean-Centric, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, One-Shot, Pity Party, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Season 11, Season/Series 11 Spoilers, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/run_and_remember_me/pseuds/run_and_remember_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ending scene of 11x14 ‘The Vessel’ from Dean’s POV. Destiel. Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No, I Regret Nothing

_No, no, no. This can’t be happening,_ Dean thought. Several hours had passed, and he still couldn’t quite grasp the idea of Castiel accepting the devil into his body. _Why the hell would he do something like that?_

Castiel wasn’t known for making rash decisions, and he sure as hell wouldn’t make a deal for no reason. Dean had met many heroes in his lifetime, but Castiel was the most selfless and honorable person he knew. As Dean recalled, Sam had said something about how Castiel held Lucifer back from within, overpowering an archangel to help Sam. But the repeated words reverberated in his mind: To save Dean.

Most times, Dean felt the only person who had his back was Sam, but it was moments like this that made him appreciate Castiel more. Sam had also mentioned that Castiel could expel Lucifer at any time. So why couldn’t Castiel just reject him the same way Sam had done to Gadreel? None of this made any sense. How could he possibly make sense of it all?

He remembered how angry Lucifer had been with him. Shoulders arched and eyes focused on the kill, Lucifer barrelled at him—only Dean couldn’t even bring himself to raise and hand in his own defense. He refused to hurt Castiel, even if it meant letting Lucifer kill him. Only Dean had already hurt him a thousand times over. Since the moment Castiel pulled him out of hell, he’d caused him nothing but pain and suffering. The angel had died for him multiple times only to be reassembled by God—only to be put through more heartbreak. Leaving him in purgatory, forcing him to leave the bunker as a human, leaving him beaten and bloody on the library floor—all of that paled in comparison to what Dean had done.

He neglected the one person in this world who had his back through everything. Come hell or high water, soulless siblings or fallen angels, Castiel was his most trusted. And he had failed him too.

A sudden wave of guilt overcame him, the stabbing pain in his chest dulling to an ache of disbelief. It's my fault. He wanted to scream, but the words were hung in the back of his throat. He wanted to cry, but the tears merely pricked his eyes. He wanted to kick someone in the jewels as hard as he could, but he sat expressionless, quietly staring into the water instead. He was empty. Dean was going to pieces inside, but the one person who always helped him put himself back together was gone. And damn if that wasn’t his fault too.

Knowing how selfish the request was, Dean squeezed his eyelids shut and wished for a sign—a sign that let him know it was still worth it to fight for Castiel. There was still a chance. There was still hope. On occasion when he prayed, Dean recalled Castiel sending him a warm sensation along the etchings in his ribcage just to let him know he heard. He decided it was worth a shot, and began to speak. “I’m sorry,” Dean whispered aloud. “I should’ve listened, Cas… And for that, I’m sorry.”

His chest still felt heavy and hollow, but he didn’t have any other words. No other apology. He could have ranted and bitched. He could have shouted his guilt until he was blue in the face, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Dean was the burnt and broken shell of a man Castiel believed him to be all along. Nothing could have prepared Dean for the emptiness he felt, and nothing but his angel could have saved him the guilt of a broken heart.


End file.
